to all the boys I've loved before: part 1

we are not your mothers
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded
and half filled with promises
you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we have become much too accustomed to empty beds and damp pillows
become much too accustomed
to waiting for our empty beds to be weighted down
with the bodies of men
heavy with the scent and the hands of other women
and we
simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prin
place scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddess
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities that they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning
for the little girls we loose by the minute.

written by Mayda de Valle